This millennial bought her first home with three simple tricks!

We all know entering the property market is tough, so it's important to make it your priority. Even if you can't invest money at this stage, you can invest your time.

I invested my time by spending the winter gathering stray local wildlife, consolidating those assets into one massive animal sacrifice to Manoucheka, the goddess of fixed interest rates. (You could collect local cats or dogs for a more powerful spell, but some council planners don't like it!).

Of course, you'll soon move beyond the fantasising and planning stage. Endless hours on realestate.com will suddenly turn into long hours stood before hungover auctioneers. But how to turn an auction to your advantage? A small voodoo doll – or bigger if you want to make an impression – will come in handy, as you manipulate the auctioneer to your will. Make that auctioneer recognise your first bid, ignore other offers, or even rush to conclude the bidding as they try to assauge the suffering you've manifest within them. It is important to remember when following this step that real estate agents are people too - just like you and I - but probably with worse hobbies.

Finally, when it comes to settling, its more who you know, than what you know. I promised my first-born child to ǟռ o͇̲̫͔̣̰ͤ̊͡l͔̗̼̞͈̲̫̲ͪͣ̃ͪ͞d͕̳̣̰͔͚̿͟ ʄʀɨɛռɖ, and in return they helped me out with an incredible deal (in the short term). I think its best to remember than when everything seems too complicated, people have been trading for centuries, and so its best to rely on the traditional pagan methods.

At the end of the day, it was easy. I just followed these three simple steps, and after just seven months (and many years of pledged pain in the future), I was able to purchase* my first home.

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*In a split arrangement with my parents, who contributed an undisclosed amount.